Bullying

      This is another topic that is near and dear to my heart. Bullying. As a lunch lady, I work with and see kids everyday Monday - Friday throughout the school year. I make connections with these kids, get to know them. But what I get to see is only a snap shot of their lives. There's only time for the quick small talk. "Hi, how are you today?" "Are you excited for the weekend?"

      I get to see them interact with each other, mostly. Yes, I do have "favorites", but that's only because I have developed a deeper friendship with these particular children than the rest. One little girl, for example, was having the worst attitude problem last year. Let's call her Colette. Colette was giving myself and my two coworkers a lot of trouble. I suspect that many of the adults she interacted with during the day didn't treat her with respect, which I believe also had to do with her race (Because yes, there is still a problem with racism in 2017). Colette is this adorable little girl, and she's black. From my observations, a black child is treated differently when they are having a bad day than a white child is treated. So I made it my mission to treat this little girl with all the respect and understanding that children need and deserve. After a few weeks, Colette's attitude did a 180. All she needed was to be treated like a person. And they way that she was treated was an example of adults not necessarily bullying this little girl, but not respecting her. Which in my mind, is borderline bullying. How are these children going to grow up to be well rounded adults when they aren't given basic human respect in the first place?

      Then I see kids bullying each other, and of course I step in when I see it. I saw a whole table of kindergartners bullying one boy at the table just because his reaction was funny to them. They were across the lunch room, and I could hear this little boy scream out to them to stop, red faced and crying. You bet your ass I gave them a lecture about bullying and then informed a teacher. These kids have to learn to respect each other. They have to learn kindness and compassion. It starts with the parents, honestly. Directly after the parents are those who are immediately involved with them once they are born (grandparents, siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins...). If a parent is trying to set boundaries for their child, and an immediate relative ignores the parents to allow the child to do as they please anyway, then you are teaching that child that it is okay to disrespect Mom and Dad, and by extension, that it is okay to disrespect others.

      Kids need to realize that what they say hurts others, because then you get adults who are rude and disrespectful. We get adults who have no concern for the lives of others and continue to bully, mock, and make fun of those who are different. Different either because of continued bullying or other issues. "Safe spaces" are genuinely needed, and that is mocked and shit on. Why? We wouldn't need such places if people actually had compassion for each other. Why. Is. It. So. Hard. To. Care. About. Others. Why? Why is unconditional, universal love and understanding such a hard concept for people to grasp? I just read a story where a man stabbed his pregnant girlfriend, her cat, and himself over drugs. The comments section on the article were ridiculous. Those who were commenting cared more about the cat than the fact that the pregnant woman was stabbed. How is that okay? Why do they care more about the cat than a person? Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love animals and believe they should be treated with all the love in the world. But to make jokes and judgement about the poor woman... "Why did she stay with him if he was abusive?" "She should have left. She must have low self-esteem." People, it starts from birth. They learn self-worth from birth. This all starts with the parents and the immediate family....

      People inflict self harm, suicide, because of the awful things that are said to and about them. Bullying is no joke. It causes mental and emotional damage, and that can be so much worse than a physical wound. A physical wound will heal, but an emotional/mental wound can takes years to overcome. Now this child who was bullied has self-esteem problems, they think lowly of themselves, and they very likely suffer from depression. It makes me so angry and sad to see people treat each other like shit. Where is your humanity, people?! Please... Treat each other with care.

      If you are a victim of bullying, I see you. I've been there. I know how you feel. In middle school, I was made fun of so badly that I cried myself to sleep and thought about killing myself every single night for half of sixth grade. I was called "E.T." and "alien" because my upper jaw was so narrow and my teeth over lapped each other. I got braces and was moved to a different school about halfway through the year, and my confidence began to blossom as I was actually treated with respect and started to make friends... And then I was moved again. This time, the bullying started up again. And it was never just bullying at school, either. My whole life, my mother bullied me and made me feel like I was the scum of the earth. And now I was at a school where even the teacher said that I "didn't want to be an author [my biggest dream that I am still working on] because they don't make any money". The cutting began in eighth grade on a beautiful sunny day. My mother had just said something awful to me, again. (Side note: my mother was never a good person. She hung out with bad people, one of whom raped me. She beat me, my brother, and sister with horse whips, belts, hangers... but her favorite was a metal spatula. When I would actually find the motivation to do my school work, she would say "You aren't going to do that anyway, so just go clean the barn." She nearly stabbed my sister one night (my sister was in fourth grade) in a drunken rage, and it was unusual for her to be home instead of the bar on any given night. That's just the tip of the iceberg. So no, I am not being "a typical kid" in regards to my mother.) So I had bullying at home, bullying at school, and those thoughts of self hatred finally boiled over. So I began cutting. I never received help for my depression. I had to figure it out on my own. I get it. I know how you feel. I am here for you. I love you. You are important and incredible.

      If you are a bully - stop. Ask yourself why you are bullying others. What are your insecurities? What do you need to work on? Apologize to your victim(s), and if you don't have the guts to do it face to face, write a sincere letter of apology and give it to a trusted adult or individual to deliver it. I understand, you're stressed, right? Overwhelmed? Need to feel like you're in control? Stop. There are much healthier ways. I urge you to speak to a trusted third party whether that be a counselor, friend, parent, anyone who would help you on your journey to self improvement. I believe in you. You have every capability to be a beautiful person that spreads love and understanding. You can do this. I love you. I believe in you. I see you.

      I send you peace and unconditional love. It is up to you to spread it through the world like wildflowers.